oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
