if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
