just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
