4 words: hood of his car
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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