Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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