there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
