whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
