This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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