I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
