I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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