Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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