why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
