You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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