Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize