Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
