i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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