It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize