NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We have started to decorate penises.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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