Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
