i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
