I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
