I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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