my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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