I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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