my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
