now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
