and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
