We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
