I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
