It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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