There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
