I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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