i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
