Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
