Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's the barista slut.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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