how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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