My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found your dick twin last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
