3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
