I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
