I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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