i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He shit in the fireplace
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
