dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
