Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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