Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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