I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
