i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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