I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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