if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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