we made out on top of his cat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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