absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
