How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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