the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
