Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
