she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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