puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
