It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
