Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
