Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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