We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
