We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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