I heard we made out
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
