Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
