I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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