Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
